Representational photo.
It's A Hard Life
Being taken out to eat in fancy restaurants, constantly being showered with expensive gifts, and being flaunted around town for your dynamic personality and exotic looks isn't all it's cracked up to be! Sure, from the outside looking in, many women may say, "Hell, I'd trade places with that high-priced floozy any day." Trust me, sisters, if you ask a woman who has played the Mysterious Mistress before, she'll tell you: be very careful what you wish for.

A Married Man Is A Needy Woman's Holy Grail
Cleverly maneuvering through his initial defenses, skillfully playing to his wounded ego, and expertly becoming everything that his wife is not, intrigues the best She-diana Jones. Why is it that so many ladies spot a wedding ring and suddenly transform into this cunning huntress, ready to devour her prey the second he lowers his unsuspecting head towards her blossoming cleavage? Two words: competition and challenge.

When a man appears to have it all - a loving wife, stable family, beautiful home, and successful business - women can't seem to help themselves from falling all over him. We are so accustomed to being hounded by men and having to push them off of our derrieres in the club that when we happen upon an attractive man who actually seems not to want to jump our bones, we are spellbound. Nothing can break the enchantment until we've tested the waters to see just how anxious that fish is to chomp on the hook.

Not To Free Him From Any Responsibility
These men aren't innocent little puppies being led to slaughter. No, in actuality, a married man is extremely aware that he's a hot commodity. Many men will admit that they enjoy wearing their wedding rings, because it seems to attract more women their way! A shackled beau realizes once they have made it clear to a woman that they are married, if she continues to flirt with him, everything is now gravy. This woman is up for anything that comes her way. She recognizes the game, and she's all suited up and ready to play quarterback.

What's His Excuse?
Why does a seemingly happy man cheat on his sweet, supportive wife that waits patiently at home for him to finish up his "late nights at the office"? That is the million dollar question! Many of you won't enjoy hearing the answers, but here it is, in black and white (keep in mind that the answer in any specific situation may contain one or more of the following reasons):
  1. She laughs at his lame jokes, while his wife has resorted to rolling her
  2. eyes and shaking her head.
  3. She tells him how gorgeous and strong he is at every opportunity.
  4. She is easy to be around and doesn't nag him about bills, the kids, and
  5. "honey-do lists".
  6. She is ready to have wild, uninhibited sex with him whenever he asks for
  7. it.
  8. His friends like her better.
  9. She makes him feel like a genius.
  10. The sneaking around gives him a rush.
  11. She's hotter than his wife, and that makes him feel hotter.
  12. She's younger than his wife, and that makes him feel younger.
  13. She always wants to have fun, even if that means bungee jumping off of a
  14. bridge at midnight.
The really sad part is, many wives could have written this list themselves, and yet they still will refuse to make any effort to change and provide their husbands with a little bit of Mysterious Mistress behavior at home!


What's Her Excuse?
Now, why do the "other women" fall for these obviously spoken-for men? (Again, not every reason will apply to every situation.)
  1. There is no fear of commitment. She knows he just wants a good    
  2. time.
  3. She wants to prove that she has something he wants that his wife doesn't have.
  4. She wants to feel loved, wanted, and desired.
  5. He gives her luxurious gifts, takes her on trips, etc.
  6. He is gorgeous, and she doesn't care about the consequences.
  7. The sex is amazing, and she doesn't care about the consequences.
  8. She doesn't think she can do any better.
  9. She's naïve enough to believe that he truly cares for her, and may someday leave his wife.
  10. Deep down, it gives her a sense of accomplishment to know he is choosing her over his other commitments.
  11.  It's fun, it's bad, and that's all she wants out of life.
Reaping What She Sows
What happens when the fun and games come to a screeching halt? It is nearly impossible to spend a great deal of time with a person of the opposite sex, have intercourse with them on a fairly regular basis, share intimate thoughts and feelings, and not develop an emotional attachment to them. Regardless of how or why the affair began, the end result is usually a couple of people who find themselves entangled in a web of lies and deceit in which they both know the ending cannot turn out well.

Whether the two are caught in the illicit affair by the spouse, one of them decides they must confess their sins to the wife, or they split up of their own accord, this is a losing situation for all involved. No one wins, because someone will get hurt in the end. Of course, there are those exceptions to the rule, where the couple ends up finally in a legitimate relationship, and the married man gets an official divorce. However, can you imagine the thoughts that must torture the woman's soul, every time her conquest calls to tell her that he will be late coming home? How can she ever be sure that the way that she got him won't be the exact way that she loses him to someone just like her?

How To Pick Up the Pieces
The only way that a former mistress can salvage her own self-respect and move on with her life is to learn the true meaning of forgiveness. She must first learn how to forgive herself for placing herself in such a predicament, and secondly, she must find a way to bring herself to forgive the man with which she has spent so many precious moments. Time is our most valuable commodity. We can't get it back once it's been wasted, and we can't buy more of it, no matter how much money we make.

The key is to realize that people make mistakes every day, and that the only good that can come from those mistakes is to learn from them. A woman who has made the decision in her past to be with a married man needs to do some serious introspection. What was it about herself that caused her to be attracted to someone who was already committed to someone else? What was the real reason behind her bad choices? What can she do from this point on to ensure that those same mistakes aren't made over and over again in the future? Here are five important steps that must be taken in order to successfully move on:

Forgive. The first step is to forgive yourself and to forgive everyone else involved in the situation. No one was forced to act as they did, and everyone played a part.

Do some introspection. Why did you make the decisions that were made?  What is it within your own psyche that caused you to act on this obsession, over and over again?

Find a solution. How can you ensure that this won't be a choice that you will make again?

Reach out to friends - old and new. When we engross ourselves in a relationship, we tend to neglect the people around us who truly care. Reach out and reestablish old connections for support.

Focus on productive projects. Now is the perfect moment to take all of the time that has been freed up in your social schedule and devote it to something that will better your life. Open a new business, learn a new skill or trade, join a committee, or take a class. Working on yourself will benefit everyone involved, and the hurt of a dissolved relationship will be less difficult to manage.

A woman must know that she doesn't have to be a victim. She has control over her reaction and response to the things that happen in her life. Her past does not need to dictate her future, and she can grow and improve from this. Once she's found a way to love herself, only then will someone else be able to genuinely demonstrate their love for her.

Note: This article, by 
Naiomi Pitre, was first published in Paired Life.

Thanks for reading

No comments

Comments are welcome, provided they are civil, interactively engaging. Hate speech not encouraged.

Powered by Blogger.